Eric Cartman Quotes

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

Respect My Authority!

Jewish Kid: Is anyone else having problems concentrating on this? I just can't seem to concentrate. Cartman: Maybe we should send you to a concentration camp.

Maury, I am out of control. Yeah, I use drugs. I can do what I waunt, biatch! Yeah, I have sex, and I don't use protection! It's my hot body; I'll do what I waunt! I don't go to school and I kill people! What-evah! I'll do what I waunt!

You so much as TOUCH kitty's ass, and I'll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants.

Eric Cartman: You seem a little irritable, Kyle. You got some sand in your vagina? Kyle: There's no sand in my vagina!

How 'bout we sing, 'Kyle's Mom is a stupid bitch' in D Minor.

I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!

Hippies.They're everywhere. They wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.

Stan: Dude, dolphins are intelligent and friendly. Cartman: Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.

Stan, don't you know the first law of physics? Anything that's fun costs at least eight dollars.

I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about 'protectin' the earth' and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets - I hate 'em! I wanna kick 'em in the nuts!

Well, I looked in my mom's closet and saw what I was getting for Christmas, an UltraVibe Pleasure 2000.

Cartman: Mom--Kitty is being a dildo. Mrs. Cartman: Well, I know a little kitty who is sleeping with Mommy tonight.

[on a goat sent to him and his friends by some kids in Afghanistan] It's an Afghanistan goat, so it can't stay here, or else it'll choke on the sweet air of freedom.

Stan: I don't want to shoot the bunny. Uncle Jimbo: No nephew of mine is going to be a tree hugger. Cartman: Yeah, hippie. Go back to Woodstock if you don't want to shoot anything.

Attention shoppers! Outside today, we have a cripple fight. Cripple fight, outside!

Cartman: I'm not fat. I'm big-boned. Stan: No, Jay Leno's chin is big-boned. You are a big, fat ass.

Mr. Garrison: Who was in charge of the feminist movement of the early '60's? Cartman: A bunch of fat old skanks on their periods. Mr. Garrison: Right. But who was the fattest, oldest skank on her period?